New Posts: Rewriting Keroauc

Jack Keraouc, famous Beat writer from the 60s wrote haikus of a sort.

Like this:

Early morning yellow flowers,
thinking about
the drunkards of Mexico.

And this:

Nightfall,
boy smashing dandelions
with a stick.

And this:

Drunk as a hoot owl,
writing letters
by thunderstorm.

And, of course, this one:

Holding up my
purring cat to the moon
I sighed.

In class, we rewrote this poem so that it fit the traditional haiku 5-7-5 form. Here is the version I wrote alongside you in class (in the 2 or so minutes I gave you):

by Nadine Wills

Grandiose holding
purring cat up to the moon
stumbling I sighed.

Dear (brilliant) students, please send me your rewrites so that I can post them here as well.

24.04.2007
Benjamin Heidtmann
so courageous and brilliant
sent his rewrites first.

He wrote a number of rewrites, don't worry if you only have the cat purring one we did in class. The "more the merrier" as those of us like to say who are happy to use tired cliches :-) Thank you.

Rewriting Kerouac by Benjamin Heidtmann

Early morn sweet bloom
thoughts of Mexican drunkards
haunt these yellow fields


Stick in hand, smashing
dandelions. Without care,
the boy moves onwards


Thunderstorm outside,
intoxication rises
as I pour these words


Cat exposed, purring
held up to the wretched moon
my sigh goes unheard


By Raphael Awasty

Holding up my own
purring pussycat to the moon
I sighed grief-stricken

By Shilan Anderson

Moonlit purring cat
my arms outstreched i hold you
and sigh and sigh. Why?

By Rieke Jordan

As the purring cat
encountered the white moonlight
I tumbled and sighed.

By Helen Krueger

Holding up straight my
lonely old cat to the moon
I sigh in despair.

Isn't it interesting how many variations there are on these 3 simple lines that I gave you only a couple of minutes to rewrite? Notice that each subtle difference in word choice changes the tone and meaning of the poem quite dramatically.

Here are some more rewrites:

By Susi Hauner

Midnight sacrifice -
Held up, my cat purrs at the
moon's cold face. I sigh.

By Marsha Grant

Holding cat up to
the shining facade, the moon
I sighed too loudly

Criticize Me: Pretty Flower

In our next class, you are going to read your flash fiction out in groups and practice giving feedback for the first time. However before you give feedback to each other, I am going to ask you to practice on me and my piece of flash fiction so that we can go over how you give positive, constructive feedback.

The steps you will need to go through in class (and start off with me):

1. Gage how much criticism the person can handle on that particular day. As you know, we all have our bad and good days, and since this feedback is supposed to be for our benefit (not so that you can tell us everything that you think is wrong with our work), it is up to the writer to tell you the level of feedback they want on a particular day. None, of course, is not an acceptable answer in this course :-)
2. Start off with what you liked best about the piece.
3. Be considerate with your criticism, that means word it constructively, make it brief and to the point.
4. Be specific with your criticism and praise (give examples of what did and didn't work for you).

So, here is my second version of my flash fiction piece "Pretty Flower."

Pretty Flower (final draft) by Nadine Wills

“Remember, Poppy!” Her mother called as she skipped into the forest, wrapped tightly in her red cape.
“Getting dark,” a voice leered.
“You scared me.”
“Pretty flower.”
“Do you like it? Here. I’d better get to Gram’s.”
“See you.”

“Gram?”
“Poppet!”
“You okay? You look different.”
“Not too different for a hug.”
Her cape slipped open as she flung herself onto the bed.
“Eeeeeeew, don’t hold me so tight.”
“I’m happy to see you, my pretty flower.”
“Well hold me less happy.”
“Did you give the wolf the poisoned flower like we practiced?”
Poppy smiled and cuddled to her Gram.

Flash! 100 words "A Pretty Flower"

Today in class I asked you all to write a piece of flash fiction in 10 minutes. I will write these pieces alongside you and share them as well since - as I made it clear - everyone in the class has to participate and share their work. That includes me as well. The plot that I gave you for the flash fiction, if you didn't have any instant inspiration was Little Red Riding Hood. Here is the one I wrote on that subject (my first draft):

Pretty Flower (first draft) by Nadine Wills

“Remember what I told you. The path.”
“I will.”
She skipped into the forest, her cape wrapped tightly around her, picking flowers.
“It’s getting dark,” a voice leered.
“You scared me.”
“What a pretty flower.”
“Do you like it? Here. I’d better get to Gram’s.”
“See you.”

“Gram? You okay? You look different.”
“Not too different for a hug.”
Hesitating, her cape slipped open, then she flung herself onto the bed.
“Ow Grams, your nails are getting caught in my hair.”
“You’re so young, my pretty flower. Did you give the wolf the poisoned posy like you were supposed to?”

I will post a final draft later to show you how much my writing changes during the rewriting process.

Notice that I tried to keep to the aspects of "flashing" that we discussed:

1. word limit (not going over 100 words)
2. characters that go through a story (as opposed to "slice of life")
3. a distinct setting
4. conflict (develop much of this through dialogue)
5. implication
6. resolution and/or twist

Please remember that for April 19 you are to come to class with your 100 word flash fiction (bring 6 typed copies of it). I look forward to reading what you've come up with.